It's just ironic, or a coincidence?

By Steve Gordon

I just wrote a post about getting over it and...

Thursday I came home from playing golf to find my estranged son Jim here. He said he came to see my parents, not me. He also brought some news that I would be a grandfather - or rather that my parents would be great grandparents. It would be his first child. Chrissy, who I have never met, was not with him. When I came in mom said he had some news and his response was, "You can tell him when I leave."

They are expecting next month, which is a month Crissy and I share a birthday (the 26th). Mom mentioned that and Jim he said they don't want to have it on or near her birthday. He made light of the fact that it would be my birthday as well. I have to mention that this is my only son and he wrote in a Fathers's Day card he sent to me at the county prison, "I will not forsake you."

During the short visit mom brought up to him about burying the hatchet. He basically threatened to walk out and said something like things will happen in time. No one knows what "in time" means. It could be an indefinate put aside thing that his mother was so good at when convenient. Anyway, he also brought up a pair of fireman's boots my dad once had because as Jim works for a fire safety system company and frequently has to work standing in water. The boots are long gone having deteriorated over time, but dad did still have a pair of hunting boots that fit and he took them.

We aren't sure why he came. Was it for the news he could have revealed before 8 months had passed, or was it for the boots? One thought is he has driven by before but would not come in if my car was outside. There was a recent baby shower but mom was not invited. When told of our mini family gathering today and invited he made excuses why they couldn't come. Why can't people be more honest? Not that he wasn't, we don't know, but it is just how it sounded. He learned making excuses growing up not from me.

He specifically told me not to try to contact him or send cards. Two weeks before my release he drove four hours to the prison where I was, he never visited me there before then, to tell me that. I have not driven by his house or tried to contact him directly. Mom was of the understand he didn't want her to call either. He never answers his phone or calls back anyway she says. He came here a couple months before that he came by here to tell them he wouldn't be coming around because I would be here. He hadn't been here on over two years.

I just thought I would relate this as I had just address the "get over it" factor. His forgiveness is not for me but for him. The longer he carries this around the more it will affect his life. That is how I see it anyway. Do I want contact, meaningful contact, with him. YES. I have come to accept certain things, like them or not, I wonder if he has?