By Steve Gordon
I got to see and hold my wonderful 15-month-old granddaughter Wednesday at my son Jim's home. She is starting to walk and words are slowly coming out of her mouth.
Jim has some things he needs to work out with me as we reestablish our relationship and would like me to help him with some projects outside around his house. As a new family the finances are a tough act trying to keep up with the expenses, or potential expenses. We can do some of his projects but some might be more than I can handle.
The bottom line is what has to be worked out is to prioritize what he and his wife want done and then tackle them one at a time. It will be a work in progress done in stages. We joked about winning the big lottery, but at that point you don't fix up an small older place, you move to a newer one that has the room a new family will be needing.
But this isn't so much about winning big in the lottery or home improvement projects as it is a bonding process where I can earn his trust and a place as part of his family, as his dad. Projects are easier when they are at your own place because you can work on your timetable, even as little as an hour here or an hour there. When you are doing it at someone elses house you are on their schedule, and Jim and his wife Chrissy have a whirlwind life centered around Casey (the baby) and family. His wife comes from a big family.
It has been a long time since I raised Jim as a baby but being a grandparent gives a different perspective to the process. How can you look into those young innocent eyes and be stern when this little girl does something she shouldn't have. You know, the game of dropping something on the floor from the high chair (on purpose) and babbling "Uh Oh" with an innocent expression.
We had a nice dinner and the small kitchen area makes cleanup more difficult than it might normally be. But things got cleaned up and time to get baby ready for bed. One problem, baby wasn't ready to go to bed. But eventually the eyes drooped and she laid down on the floor and went to sleep.
I wanted to talk to them just a short while to say a few things I felt ought to be said to both Jim and Chrissy. I started with the obvious that my actions messed up a lot of peoples lives and said I was sorry for that. To this I added that I was proud to be a father, father-in-law and grandfather and said I wanted to earn my way to be part of their family telling them I loved them. Hopefully some day they can feel proud to be a son, daughter-in-law and of course granddaughter of me. It isn't a biological right.
That was the basis and if flowed from there as I got into a couple of specific things I felt needed to be put on the table. We got off topic throughout as things came up and back on topic and it was nearly midnight and all three of us had to get up for work the next morning. Even if they didn't have to be up, I am sure Casey would have them up.
Oh, I also got to show off my new pick-up to them. Now we progress onward in a positive manner and all parties know that open communications both ways is the key and it needs to be practiced everyday.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Again with the ML car registration
By Steve Gordon
If you have read through the blog you would be aware of the Megan's Law registration ordeal. Well...it isn't so much an ordeal as walking on coals, but it is unpleasant. You would also be aware my requirement to register is based on a domestic offense and not some random act on the street with a stranger, or worse, a minor.
Enough of the reiteration.
I purchased a new vehicle last Saturday. My 1996 Blazer has seen better days. Even though the engine was new and only had about 6,000 miles on it and it had a new computer module and some other stuff including two new tires, I drew the line at a couple thousand more dollars for a transmission. It was a $25,000 car brand new but it has outlived its usefulness to me and my family.
Here is a brief history. My son picked it out on the lot when we were just looking around. My old Blazer was getting tired. I drove it, the now ex-wife agreed to get it and we did. My son Jim learned how to drive in it. When I went to prison in 2000 Jim took control of it (his mother had her own vehicle). My family and I wanted to have it sold for money to pay a real lawyer vs. having a public pretender. The ex-wife got involved and that wasn't going to happen.
My brother Jay, who died in July 2011 of cancer at age 54, took the car and basically hid it to protect it. We still wanted to sell it while it had value but smaller minds had other plans. It wasn't until 2003 when the ex-wife got her personal injury trial and the Blazer was at the heart of discussion to drop the suit even as I agreed to give her basically everything. So she had her trial and got a $500,000 judgment against me when I was in prison and I am speculating it cost her over $100,000 to get it with lawyer fees and his percentage of the judgment.
Bottom line is there was nothing to win. Our estate together wasn't worth $500,000. The Masters Hearing for the divorce was two days after the trial. We went in and as I had offered before, she could have basically everything except for a list of personal things and the Blazer. The Master listened and Pat objected. When I pointed out she already had two cars to which Pat meekly answered yes the Master said she didn't think she needed three cars.
In a round about way the Blazer became a $500,000 vehicle. Here is what it was about. It was a personal thing for me but it was also keeping something of value. As it turned out it became very useful. I signed it over to my brother to use and in 2010 before I came home he and my father made the decision to put a new engine in it.
You can second guess that, but fact is having my own vehicle was a good thing. I did not have to rely on anyone for a car to get around and thus I had some freedom to come and go as I wanted and as necessary. I paid for the upkeep, gas and insurance and paved the road to having responsibility after 10 years away from society.
Guess I kind of got off topic, but maybe a little history made a good story.
Back to the where we started with the Blazer, its days were numbered. It was time to let go and move on and make an investment in a newer more reliable vehicle. That is where the 2005 Dodge Dakota club cab enters the story. I had established a credit rating once out by getting a couple credit cards and using them and then paying them off on time. By doing so I was eligible to get a car loan and purchase the pick-up on my own. I stress ON MY OWN.
Going back to the reason for this story I had to notify the PA State Police and...as usual the treatment was on the fringe of courteous and it took 45 minutes for them to do five minutes worth of paperwork all the while with me parked on a hard wooden bench in a lobby in front of a huge glass window. While there another guy came in and said last time he was there to update his registration it took three hours.
I understand the need to keep records, but it nothing changes what is the purpose to have people show up in person for each change when such a thing can be handled easily via mail or Internet? Oh, I know, they need to practice with their little digital camera. But it is done. Hopefully WHEN my Pardon is signed this will all be a thing of the past.
.JPG)
.JPG)
If you have read through the blog you would be aware of the Megan's Law registration ordeal. Well...it isn't so much an ordeal as walking on coals, but it is unpleasant. You would also be aware my requirement to register is based on a domestic offense and not some random act on the street with a stranger, or worse, a minor.
Enough of the reiteration.
I purchased a new vehicle last Saturday. My 1996 Blazer has seen better days. Even though the engine was new and only had about 6,000 miles on it and it had a new computer module and some other stuff including two new tires, I drew the line at a couple thousand more dollars for a transmission. It was a $25,000 car brand new but it has outlived its usefulness to me and my family.
Here is a brief history. My son picked it out on the lot when we were just looking around. My old Blazer was getting tired. I drove it, the now ex-wife agreed to get it and we did. My son Jim learned how to drive in it. When I went to prison in 2000 Jim took control of it (his mother had her own vehicle). My family and I wanted to have it sold for money to pay a real lawyer vs. having a public pretender. The ex-wife got involved and that wasn't going to happen.
My brother Jay, who died in July 2011 of cancer at age 54, took the car and basically hid it to protect it. We still wanted to sell it while it had value but smaller minds had other plans. It wasn't until 2003 when the ex-wife got her personal injury trial and the Blazer was at the heart of discussion to drop the suit even as I agreed to give her basically everything. So she had her trial and got a $500,000 judgment against me when I was in prison and I am speculating it cost her over $100,000 to get it with lawyer fees and his percentage of the judgment.
Bottom line is there was nothing to win. Our estate together wasn't worth $500,000. The Masters Hearing for the divorce was two days after the trial. We went in and as I had offered before, she could have basically everything except for a list of personal things and the Blazer. The Master listened and Pat objected. When I pointed out she already had two cars to which Pat meekly answered yes the Master said she didn't think she needed three cars.
In a round about way the Blazer became a $500,000 vehicle. Here is what it was about. It was a personal thing for me but it was also keeping something of value. As it turned out it became very useful. I signed it over to my brother to use and in 2010 before I came home he and my father made the decision to put a new engine in it.
You can second guess that, but fact is having my own vehicle was a good thing. I did not have to rely on anyone for a car to get around and thus I had some freedom to come and go as I wanted and as necessary. I paid for the upkeep, gas and insurance and paved the road to having responsibility after 10 years away from society.
Guess I kind of got off topic, but maybe a little history made a good story.
Back to the where we started with the Blazer, its days were numbered. It was time to let go and move on and make an investment in a newer more reliable vehicle. That is where the 2005 Dodge Dakota club cab enters the story. I had established a credit rating once out by getting a couple credit cards and using them and then paying them off on time. By doing so I was eligible to get a car loan and purchase the pick-up on my own. I stress ON MY OWN.
Going back to the reason for this story I had to notify the PA State Police and...as usual the treatment was on the fringe of courteous and it took 45 minutes for them to do five minutes worth of paperwork all the while with me parked on a hard wooden bench in a lobby in front of a huge glass window. While there another guy came in and said last time he was there to update his registration it took three hours.
I understand the need to keep records, but it nothing changes what is the purpose to have people show up in person for each change when such a thing can be handled easily via mail or Internet? Oh, I know, they need to practice with their little digital camera. But it is done. Hopefully WHEN my Pardon is signed this will all be a thing of the past.
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One final note: The pictures above are of a garden bridge I build last summer. The flags were for the 4th of July. Under it is one of my brother Jay's old trucks from when he was a kid and I dug it up when putting the bridge in. This kind of makes this a piece of real estate to remember my brother. Further, the last thing I remember my brother saying to me was, "At least we got the Blazer running." Today a set of keys for the Blazer rests with the truck under the bridge. I can wait for spring and all the plants around the bridge to grow in.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Reconnecting with my son
By Steve Gordon
A couple weeks ago my son called and asked if I would meet him. Of course I would, and did. We met at a pool hall and shot some pool and talked a little. Seems he can't completely let go of some things that happened over the past 10 or so years while I was in prison and wants to talk about them.
I don't want to reopen those things but I recognize his needs so this is something I can do. Then down the road we can potentially finally put a lot of stuff to rest. During our hour or so shooting pool a few things were said that got me to thinking afterward that I need to learn how to be a dad again.
He said he was hoping, but not expecting, that I would call him and ask him ("invite" is the word he used) to the recent auto show in Philadelphia. The funny thing is that it crossed my mind but I did not do it. In conversation he always talks about how busy they are going here and there and with the one-year old so I (foolishly) opted out of calling him.
Guess I dropped the ball on that. Now where do I go. Because he came out and said he wanted to talk I am feeling that it now falls upon me as the dad to try to arrange how we do this. I will give him a call this weekend and see if we can get this started. I will keep you posted.
While we were shooting pool it was obvious I am not very competent at pool. Jim plays in a pool league and seems to know his way around on the felt. Guess I will have to settle for that and being a better player on the outside greens of a golf course. Balance is good.
A couple weeks ago my son called and asked if I would meet him. Of course I would, and did. We met at a pool hall and shot some pool and talked a little. Seems he can't completely let go of some things that happened over the past 10 or so years while I was in prison and wants to talk about them.
I don't want to reopen those things but I recognize his needs so this is something I can do. Then down the road we can potentially finally put a lot of stuff to rest. During our hour or so shooting pool a few things were said that got me to thinking afterward that I need to learn how to be a dad again.
He said he was hoping, but not expecting, that I would call him and ask him ("invite" is the word he used) to the recent auto show in Philadelphia. The funny thing is that it crossed my mind but I did not do it. In conversation he always talks about how busy they are going here and there and with the one-year old so I (foolishly) opted out of calling him.
Guess I dropped the ball on that. Now where do I go. Because he came out and said he wanted to talk I am feeling that it now falls upon me as the dad to try to arrange how we do this. I will give him a call this weekend and see if we can get this started. I will keep you posted.
While we were shooting pool it was obvious I am not very competent at pool. Jim plays in a pool league and seems to know his way around on the felt. Guess I will have to settle for that and being a better player on the outside greens of a golf course. Balance is good.
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