By Steve Gordon
First, Happy Thanksgiving to anyone reading this and also to your family wherever you are.
As I stood at work yesterday at a Chick-fil-A store doing the daily routine of preparing hundreds of pounds of chicken breasts for the day I had a recurring thought of how we should handle ourselves in life. It isn't a foreign train of thought for me, and I suspect for many people.
I saw the movie "Flight" last week and it was an extraordinary movie. Denzel Washington was as good as he has ever been which is a high standard if you are familiar with his acting. What hit me most (it no doubt was intended to hit all viewers) was the question at the end of the movie. I won't write it so I don't ruin it for anyone who is reading this and has not seen the movie yet. Obviously it started the gears turning in my head.
We live in an age where the political climate seems to be pushing more government upon the people which in a sense is a big brother is watching thing. A lot of people are against this but what I want to write about goes beyond that into personal behavior.
A loose analogy might be if you see someone speeding to a point where a traffic summons would be warranted but there are no police around. Sound familiar? I am sure we have all been there. We say to ourselves, or out loud if there is someone with us, "Where are the cops when you need them?"
We all speed at some point. Admit it. The point here is that you think that if that were you the siren and flashing lights would be in your rear view. A sense of fairness overwhelms you. But wait...you want big brother watching, but not watching you?
OK, this isn't about your driving habits, this is about personal behavior and your perception of it. Who is responsible for what you do and how you act?
Here is a personal theory that might not be popular with some. When I was in prison and acting as a peer facilitator of groups called "Citizenship" and "Character Development" many inmates would complain about how the Correction Officers treated them or they got caught doing this or that and it wasn't fair.
Do I have to comment on what is wrong with that train of thought?
For certain there are strict rules in prison that the CO's are there to enforce. Not all enforce them to the letter but don't we all do that in our daily lives with things? So how do you deal with that?
I like the word proactive and I like to think that I carry myself according to that concept more often than not. It makes me in control of my life as much as possible rather than giving up control to someone else. What I would say in group sessions to other inmates was that they had to think like the CO's.
Some would catch on and some faces would be wrinkled with question or confusion. It was like they were thinking, "We are inmates, why should we think like the CO's?"
We would talk about it and it is a very simple concept when you boil it down. If certain CO's have their idiosyncrasies you learn them, understand where they are coming from and conform to them. It is basic survival in a way. Yes, you are still under their control, but you limit that control by taking away at least part of their game. Most of the population does not live in prison but why can't that basic concept still hold water in our daily lives, in our society, and in our communities?
But there is a secondary part to it. If you behave in a manner that conforms (for lack of a better word) and it makes your life better and has a positive affect on the people around you, then aren't you the better person for that? So referring back to my analogy, if you are afraid of getting caught speeding then shouldn't you drive your vehicle as if there were a patrol car following you?
Now put the concept into your daily life. Pick someone you respect, alive or dead. A family member, a close friend, a celebrity you admire, a sports figure, someone from history, etc. Can you imagine doing that? Can you imagine that simple image of the person you admire smiling or frowning at what you do and how you behave?
On occasions when I have been out playing golf by myself in the off season (but even sometimes with playing partners) I hit a shot and wonder what Arnold Palmer or Jack Nicklaus would say about that. But it works in life. I have found on occasions I have envisioned the only grandfather I knew, who passed away when I was 15, watching me and wanting to put a smile on his face.
It is definitely a big brother is watching thing except on a personal level where you are in control. Whatever consequences that come about in your life from your actions you have to look within yourself, don't pass the buck to someone or something else. None of us are perfect and we will make mistakes, but we have to take personal responsibility for them. Maybe you should put a big brother in your life.
Call it taking personal responsibility and being proactive with your life. I am going to be 66 in a couple days and I'd like my family to be able to say I was a good man when my time expires. Don't you aspire for the same?
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